Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

It has come to our attention that as August slowly moves toward September you are becoming increasingly glassy-eyed and goofy-looking. What’s with that weird grin on your face when you turn your page-a-day calendar every morning?

But really, that’s not what we wanted to tell you. What we wanted to know is:

Why won’t you let us try to kill each other during our various daily rumble sessions? It’s a real buzz kill that you won’t allow #3 to sit on #4’s head and see how long he can go without breathing. It’s also a giant downer that you’re not allowing us to drop hard pointy things down from the second floor hallway to see if the rest of us can catch it with our heads. You never let us have any fun.

#4 also brought up the question of that large dent (although #2 calls it a wrinkle, the rest of us really think it’s much too large to fall into that category) between your eyes on your forehead. It’s really come out a lot in the past couple of weeks, and we were wondering if you were going to do anything about it? It makes you look kind of mean. (Not that you’re mean….no one is saying that….it’s just that crevice is getting really big.)

Finally, even though #1 has said that we shouldn’t mention this at all, the fact that you do a lot of mumbling and talking to yourself lately has us a bit freaked out. We noticed that both that huge wrinkle and the talking to yourself really increase later in the afternoon, so we were wondering if we could do something to help you get that under control. Maybe you want to join our marathon viewing sessions of Sonny with a Chance? Or jump in on our squabbles about whose turn it is to play with the PSP next? (We’ve found that a good ol’ fight really relieves some tension. You might want to try it.)

Feel free to wade into that mosh-pit-like thing we’ve created in the family room if you think it might help. We’re here for you.


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8 Responses to “Dear Mom”

  1. Amy Says:

    I love this letter! I was laughing through it. Great post!

    Alyson says:

    Thanks. All my small monsters remain asleep at this late hour (8:12 am), gearing up for the next round.
    I guess they need to get their ya-ya’s out before school, but wow….

  2. Cecelia Winesap Says:

    Ah the joys of summer winding down and the little urchins going back to school! :)
    Cecelia Winesap recently posted..This One Time I Was Sleeping

  3. liz Says:

    oh, i LOVE meerkats! it would be pretty cool if you had 4 meerkats in real life. :)

    i can’t imagine the chaos – nor messes – produced by 4 of them. you are a good woman, alyson!
    liz recently posted..Dear Daddy-

    Alyson says:

    Had to use meerkats. I really wanted to use a composite photo of Pigpen (of Charlie Brown fame) times 4, but I was too tired to make that work.

    (Besides, if you look closely at the meerkats, one of them is in the back, looking off into the distance. If this one had one iPod earphone hanging out of her ear, it could be my 14 year old.)

    Today we’re all going to clean the kids’ study room. If you should hear any screaming from the Princeton area, don’t be alarmed. It’s one of the 5 of us, under duress.

  4. Alyson Says:

    The humidity has broken — for today — and thus far harmony is prevailing. I think we’ll have a happy Thursday!

  5. The Flying Chalupa Says:

    This was perfect. I can so relate – and I only have one! How do you do it???? The throwing things from the top of the stairs, jumping off high, dangerous places, and the list goes on. The picture at the end says it all. Wild animals. Kids. God bless the start of school.
    ps – I don’t think I’ve ever really told you how much I enjoy your blog! Great stuff.

  6. Alyson Says:

    It’s probably bad form to comment on your own post, but I have to say that when I see those meerkats at the end of this post, it makes me laugh. They resemble my gang so very much.

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