Self-inflicted.

There’s a chill in the air, it’s apple-picking time here in the Northeast, the leaves are just beginning to turn, and this means one thing: teeny tiny candy bars, Kisses, and m&m’s will be invading my pantry. (Who am I kidding. They’re already here.)

(And like how I made it sound like I just opened the pantry door and “Oops! Look at all the teeny tiny candy bars, Kisses and m&m’s I’ve just discovered! How did *they* get here?” {This, my writerly friends, is the power of active verbs versus passive verbs. And this concludes your English lesson for today. You’re welcome.})

I’m not sure why I buy them. I am not even particularly (gasp!) a Chocolate Girl. (More of a Pretzel Girl, truth be told.) So what’s going on? Why, when late September/early October rolls around, am I possessed with the need to stockpile the teeny tiny candy bars, Kisses and m&m’s? A census: at this very moment, I’ve got a full glass canister of Hersey Miniatures (taunting me in their clear glassy-ness), half a bag of autumn-color-wrapped milk chocolate Kisses — opened and residing near the bread basket so I am sure to grab 8 or 100* after my healthy lunch, and a really nice sized bag of the Reese’s PB cups — but the ones that are the size of a bottle cap (perfect for eating in multiples of about 16). Okay, I have them. But also, and more disturbing, they are hidden from my children and husband.

This suggests a problem, no?

The Nobel Prize for Medicine was just awarded to the fellow who pioneered in vitro fertilization, thus bringing infertility to an end for thousands, if not millions, of would-be parents. But how about a little research into the nature vs. nurture question? Yeah, sure, okay, kids and parenting, nature vs. nurture, yadda yadda yadda. It’s been done, I know.

But how about someone explain to me this compulsion for teeny tiny candy bars, kisses, and m&m’s? Someone tell me why I’m drawn to the baby Twix bar so strongly when summer changes to fall? *Then* let’s talk Nobel prize, people.

In the meantime, I’m going to go put a hurting on the already-open Kisses bag. Gotta put the kibosh on the soft siren-calls I’m hearing from across the first floor. Plus, bonus!, they go fabulously well with Pumpkin-Spice coffee.

And, because when I finish the bag, they'll no longer have me to kick around.

(Then I can be justified in opening the baby peanut butter cups. Yum.)

*That “100” number was a typo — it was supposed to be 10 — but upon reflection I believe it is more accurate. I’m all about the truth, people.*

And yo! This is a Word Up, YO! post. Join in the fun!

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25 Responses to “Self-inflicted.”

  1. Grace Says:

    Okay, my October vice is those miniature boxes of Milk Duds. And the tiny packets of Raisinets. And I, too, am guilty of purchasing said items way too soon for Halloween, then having to re-stock.
    Grace recently posted..A Waste of Good Beer

  2. Not Like a Cat Says:

    You said, “This suggests a problem, no?”

    I’d change that punctuation a little so it reads: “This suggests a problem? No.”

    I too have a hidden stash. While the children nap, I sneak into the kitchen for a “fix.”

    Until recently, my husband knew where the stash was, but this week I found myself hitting an Italian bakery in a moment of weakness (I have a physical need for black-and-whites) and then HIDING THE BOX in the cupboard when I got home, under the cat food. The box, I say, because it wasn’t enough to just get one to enjoy. No, I had to get two more plus a cupcake. I meant to share them with my family but sort of forgot, but I did end up sharing the cupcake with my husband last night.

    And it’s not just autumn. No, I do this whenever I am pregnant, lactating, home with small children, on deadline, tired….um, whenever.

    Better than crystal meth, right?
    Not Like a Cat recently posted..Cloth Tushie Tuesday- Diaper Bags

    Alyson says:

    I enjoy very much your creative punctuation. You are correct; I should go edit that sentence.

    It troubles me that you would use cat food as the camouflage, but then it occurred to me that in your house, like mine, no one but Mom probably feeds the pets, so it’s a safe place….

    I’ve heard crystal meth messes with your teeth. Cookies just mess up your blood sugar and waistline. Choose cookies. Clearly.

  3. Missy @ Wonder, Friend Says:

    I do this, too. I’ve never met anyone else with my Seasonal Candy Eating Disorder (SCED), or at least not anyone else willing to admit it. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my affliction.

    I can stick to my eating goals fairly well for most of the year, but when the weather cools I am powerless over candy and carbs. Let’s not go crazy – I have slip ups year-round, just not like in the fall.

    Oh, and chocolate and coffee? So good.

  4. Alice Says:

    Once upon a time I was on a diet. In the months before my wedding. Now, thanks to my obsessive compulsive nature said diet began in the early fall…my wedding was in June. On October 31st I realized I didn’t have enough candy for the many expected trick or treaters, so I went to the grocery store and bought 3 or 4 or 18 more bags of the full sized Reeses cups. Then, sadly, on the way home from the store I got stuck in a traffic jam. Take a moment to imagine how that played out…me, hungry and probably angry (how rare?!), alone in a car with far too many pieces of pure perfect heaven clearly crafted by the sweet baby Jesus and carefully wrapped in an unfortunate shade of orange. Sigh. If there weren’t rum in this coke, and two kids in the other room, I might actually be motivated enough to drive to the store to buy another bag right now. Husband’s away…so once more…hungry and angry…and alone.

    Alyson says:

    Please see this link.

  5. Yuliya Says:

    Put down the candy! Do you hear me? Put it down…and into an envelope and then march yourself over to the post office and mail it to me! Problem solved, you’re welcome.
    Yuliya recently posted..Poop Take Two

    Alyson says:

    I laughed out loud when I read this.
    However, you’d be out of luck because we’d never make it into the post office. There’d be teeny tiny wrappers all over my car. (If you saw my Friday unFocused post, you’d understand that this is part of Office Decor.)

  6. Rhonda Says:

    Don’t EVEN try the pumpkin kisses. They are to die for!! I had a dark chocolate habit…bad…after every meal. I put the kibosh on that one several months ago and I’ll you know my mouth is now completely salivating and I’m going to go tear some up in a minute! Thanks!

  7. Alexandra Says:

    Hi, just wanted to tell you how very much I enjoyed your post at Our Mommyhood.

    It was well written, and spoke such truth.

    Thank you for putting all that out there…

    I don’t pay attention to numbers , stats, etc., even though some of my readers tell me I should.

    WHy? It won’t change what I do…

    Alyson says:

    Thanks so much for the feedback on the Our Mommyhood piece. I really appreciate it — it’s nice to know that we’re not alone, right?

  8. liz Says:

    Mmmm…pumpkin spice lattes.

    But aren’t the tiny sized candies just perfect for getting your chocolate fix? :)
    liz recently posted..All I Need is 24 Hours

    Alyson says:

    But there’s “chocolate fix” and “CHOCOLATE FIX” by way of overdosing.

    I’m answer B. And now I must go grab a pumpkin spice coffee and 4 million baby Twix bars. Very busy here.

  9. Khara Says:

    A yes, the tricky bite sized Halloween candy, always lurking around the corner during this lovely season. I try to wait to buy last minute or hide it from myself which, of course, presents its own challenges.
    Khara recently posted..Workin It Out

    Alyson says:

    Yes, of course, Halloween is the problem, but I don’t get this way with Christmas kisses, or the glut of Valentine’s Day candy…although come to think of it, I do enjoy jelly beans waaay too much….

    Rats, maybe it’s not seasonal….Maybe it’s me. Gasp.

  10. Sherri Says:

    I am pretty sure that there is something IN those little candy bars that’s not in the larger versions. Either that, or I just think that I can eat more of them. But they are wonderful, and a sign of fall in my house for sure….today I was eating one little Milky Way Dark, then eating a pretzel…then repeat. Heavenly.
    Sherri recently posted..Grocery Store Smack Down

    Alyson says:

    The introduction of the pretzel into the mix hadn’t occurred to me — this is brilliance.

    Uh, gotta go. Gotta go, um, answer the door. Yes. That’s it. Answer the door.

  11. Marsha Says:

    I think it’s a ploy from the Candy Companies. They draw us in when we are children with Halloween Candy and then as adults we know we can’t trick or treat so we buy the large bags on sale and then hide them from the kids! lol
    Marsha recently posted..Westboro Baptist Church can kiss my…

  12. Booyah's Momma Says:

    Honestly, reading this post was the last thing I needed this morning. It reminded me of the bag of candy corn in my pantry, that sadly, will never see Halloween eve (much less the remainder of the day). They have been siren-calling me all morning, but your post is going to make me give in.

    Thanks. Thanks a lot.
    Booyah’s Momma recently posted..Confessions of a former sports widow

    Alyson says:

    Listen, why should you be immune? Answer the call, my friend. Answer the call.

    (Then go brush. Those suckers get stuck in your teeth like nothing else.)

    You’re welcome.

  13. Alyson Says:

    @Mrs.Mayhem,
    Candy corn seems quite popular with commenters here. It’s not really in my repertoire of fall candy. I must investigate this further.
    And there’s no shame in snacking in secret while standing in the pantry in the dark. None. I know this for sure.

  14. Alyson, incognito Says:

    So I’m trying to figure out this how to configure WP Comment Thread so that commenters receive an email when I reply (or anyone replies) to them. So far I think I’m unsuccessful in this configuration attempt.

    My most recent attempt resulted in that odd “@Mrs.Mayhem” message up there. (I wrote the message, but I don’t know what all that @ stuff is.) A weird reply box appeared within the reply box.

    That’s the thing about knowing enough HTML/CSS to get by — you also get yourself in little messes and have no idea how to get out of them….

    Alyson says:

    There’s still a box-within-a-box here. What does it all mean?

    Alyson says:

    I think I have it figured out. Thank you for your patience. I remain unFocused this Friday….

  15. Alice Says:

    hahahahah “seething cauldron” – and thus my new name has been chosen….
    Alice recently posted..Marriage

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