You are too kind, really.

I’m newish to this blogging thing. I write because *I* want to, I write about what *I* decide I need to get off my chest on any given day, and I write because I find that it’s kinda fun to send something “out there” and see what kind of feedback I get.

And, with the arrival of bona-fide delightful commenters comes the inevitable arrival of Junk (actually, I believe it’s called spam). The lovely folks at WordPress have provided their bloggers with excellent anti-spam tools, and one of these tools thoughtfully collects all the spammy messages into a queue, rather than post them. For this I am grateful — not only for the no-publishing-the-crazy feature, but also for keeping them in the queue. There’s nothing better on a lazy Sunday morning than dipping into that queue to see what the Internet has thrown my way. A sampling for you (and yes, clearly I will just invite more spam into my life by writing about it, but it’s too entertaining to ignore):

–> It’s hard to find sharp people on this topic, but you seem like you know what you are talking about! Thanks.
No, thank *you*. Nothing better than a compliment on an early Sunday morning. Don’t know who you are, or why you think that the post “I need someone to talk to” shows off my superior expertise, but I thank you.

A couple of new international friends have checked in:

–>?Hola! Interesante, yo cotizaci?n en mi sitio m?s tarde.
and
Hola, En la carga de antivirus mi p?gina de poner alerta, por favor de verificaci?n.
These were from two different new friends about two different posts. Now, I didn’t marry a straight-up American, so I know I’ve got some international appeal — but I didn’t know the blog extended across international boundaries.

–> This is the third time I came to your blog, I like your blog very much, hope your more good posts.
This arrived from someplace in the UK from a group called “Freakshare,”
which warms my heart. Sorta wish they visited more than 3 times, but I guess the Freakshare folks have a lot going on.

Here’s a few that keep me going when I’m having a down day:

–>I have been back here 3 times now and am completely loving the energy on this discussion. Thanks for a wonderful outlet to read high quality data.
“High quality data?” “Loving the energy?” I don’t hear those very often (especially as I avoid “data” like it was some kind of exotic disease. Smacks of math, you know). Well, you are welcome. (And what is it about 3’s? Apparently in the spammy world, it signifies that it is time to comment in gibberish.)

–>Hello! dgeafdg interesting dgeafdg site!
Well, I dgeafdg can’t argue dgeafdg with that! You’re dgeafdg welcome!

–> It’s such a important site. imaginary, very stimulating!!!
I have a little worry that this blog is, indeed, imaginary. (To look at my visitors graph, you might make a very good argument for imaginary….) But I’m happy to know that imaginary can be stimulating (but not the way you think, George Clooney at my kitchen table reading the NYT in his boxers notwithstanding).

–>I have not been back again for any even though. wow has the dialogue taken off. tom are brilliant contributors. I’m writing very well knowledgeable post now. Put up later today. Fantastic task!
This makes me feel the way some of you Out There must feel when you learn that you have [unintentionally] inspired someone. Warm fuzzies, that’s what I mean. Don’t know who the hell “tom” is, or I would agree he are brilliant contributors — and I am still awaiting the very well knowledgeable post. Bated breath people, bated breath.

There’s a really long one in the spam queue this week — it’s way too long to print here — that has provided me with hours minutes of puzzlement over what I could have possibly written to prompt a reply of this kind (and three enormous paragraphs’ worth of reply):

–>I’ve always reasoning it would be good to should prefer to those not ring true jest shoes against when I do out of doors sports such as canoeing and dragon boating. These special sports shoes pander to to salt water out of doors sports in fussy because of the facetious adam’s ale neighbourly material it is made of. When I harmonize canoeing, I occupied to either put aside with my uncover feet or slippers, but was ever after having problems with both. Being bare-ass footed meant that I sway get hurt close to any debris that may cut when I prance on the sand or in the branch water while getting in or obsolete of my canoe.
There are some *great* verbs in these paragraphs of nonsense. Kudos to whatever automaton generated this. “Pander to saltwater?” “Harmonize canoeing?” “Prance on the sand?” There are a ton more in the full post. But the bottom line? I would consider going on this kind of camping trip — if there was sure to be pandering, harmonizing and prancing.

Lastly, my favorite. It’s a headscratcher, but I laughed out loud:

–>i can has cheeseburger?

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22 Responses to “You are too kind, really.”

  1. liz Says:

    So you have a co-writer named Tom, eh?

    you could totally keep your spam – both good and not-s0-good – and do a Dear You Guys sometime. :)
    liz recently posted..Word Up- YO!- Edition 19

    Alyson says:

    Apparently it’s just “tom” the way it’s just “Cher” or “Madonna”.

    And my Dear You Guys letter will end up being “Dear Common Sense Dancing, I love the energy when I harmonize in my canoe.”

    Soon, very soon.

  2. Cheese Says:

    My task for the week: to generate comments on your blog that will get sent straight to the spam queue. Stay tuned!!! :)

    Alyson says:

    Bring it, Sistah. Odds are that your special brand of Crazy will not be labeled Spam, and we’ll be able to share it with the world….

  3. Sherri Says:

    See, here’s the difference between quality writing (like yours) and useless, somewhat sarcastic blather (like mine). I get no spam that’s FUN like yours…just enhancement ads and that sort of thing.

    You are my hero, and yes…you can has cheeseburger. I love those LOL Cats!
    Sherri recently posted..Tag- Im It!

    Alyson says:

    Wait, enhancements? I want me some of that spam!

    One of the weirder things, which I didn’t know how to mention in a coherent way, is that several of the spammier notes were from dental bonding or some other kind of tooth-related source. WTH is that?

    And the randomness of the cheezburger…apparently someone is sharing theirs because I wasn’t the only one to get that this week.

    Spam is weird.

  4. MA Says:

    I like the “bare ass footed” phrase….I’ll see if I can work that into my conversations…”While in Maui I was “bare ass footed” on the beach…” Speaking of which I DID burn by ass while reading a book on my belly on the lounger in my thong (no wrong in thong, recall.) Plane ride home was NOT pleasant.

    Alyson says:

    Um, my friend, you understand that your comment about your burnt tushie is *public*, yes? Now the world — all 28 of my loyal readers — have TMI about you…. xoxoxo

  5. Missy @ Wonder, Friend Says:

    Ha! I’ve had the cheeseburger spam and a “Freakshow” visitor. Love it. It’s true, some of the spam is just so nice. I’m happy to know other people read their spam. :)

    Alyson says:

    I’m mildly disappointed that *writing* about spam hasn’t generated more. Only 2 so far since that was published.

    Where’s all the spammy love gone?

  6. Grace Says:

    Hahahaha! I love it. And I got a cheezburger one this past week, too.
    Grace recently posted..Keeping Up

    Alyson says:

    Makes me wonder if those wacko cats are reading these blogs. (I’m more of a dog gal, myself, but all are welcome. Particularly if they bring grilled meats.)

  7. Cecelia Winesap Says:

    Who actually writes these things? I don’t know how spam works, so is it an actual person or a computer spitting out random words in an attempt to create a coherent sentence?
    Cecelia Winesap recently posted..Assmunch Monday- Breaking Up is Hard To Do

    Alyson says:

    I don’t rightly know myself….But I have to think — espcially with that really long one with the great verbs — that it’s a machine of some kind. I mean, really, “pander” and “harmonize” and “prance?” It would take me HOURS to come up with those verbs in one post….

  8. Alyson Says:

    Oh nooooo! Don’t delete the spam! Keep it! It’s a day-brightener!

    (And your post today was excellent, BTW. You’ve clearly given toxicity a lot of thought, and your points are such great take-home steps!)

  9. Poppy Says:

    ??? ??????????, ??????? ????????? ????? ??? ???? ??? ??????? ???? ?? 33,771 ???????????? ????? ????? ??????????????????? ??????????. ???????, ??? ?????? 1941, ???? ??? ??? ?????, ???? ?? ???????? ??????????????? ??? ??????, ??????????, ???????????? ???? ??????: “?? ????? ??? judenfrei!”.
    http://tinyurl.com/392th2r

    ?????? ??????? ?????? ????? ?? ??????????
    Poppy recently posted..Red Lipstick is a Commitment Not to be Taken Lightly

    Alyson says:

    Friends, this is from Poppy over at funnyorsnot.com.

    She’s funny — go see. She’s got that link up there that takes you to her. Be not afraid.

  10. Poppy Says:

    This was alot funnier in Hebrew, apparently WP doesn’t recognize the characters, damn.
    Poppy recently posted..Red Lipstick is a Commitment Not to be Taken Lightly

    Alyson says:

    Yeesh, you scared me there for a minute! And I can’t believe *that* didn’t get to spam?!

    Too funny.

  11. Poppy Says:

    I was really not going for the shameless plug here, I really was trying to get to your spam filter.
    Poppy recently posted..Red Lipstick is a Commitment Not to be Taken Lightly

  12. Melanie Says:

    I’m laughing out loud! Great post!

    Hi, I’m Melanie, mother of boys (just boys) and former NJ resident, now making a home in Boulder. I spotted you over at Mothering Mayhem and loved your comment to her in response to her “Embracing Mediocrity” blog entry and thought I’d stop by and check out your blog. It’s great (I’m still chuckling), it’s gutsy, full of amazing energy. I’m smitten. :-)

    Nice to meet you and thanks for sharing. Who knew SPAM could be so funny?

    Alyson says:

    HI Melanie! Thanks for coming by….I hope you’ll be back.

    Stopped by your place: LOVED the header (content too!) and it made me “homesick” for the days when I lived in Hoboken and took various forms of mass transit into NYC to work and play.

    We’ll have to compare notes on boys….Having two girls first made me soft, I think!

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