Dear Santa,

Although I seem a bit old to be writing this letter, I figure “can’t hurt, might help.” Since my satellite radio service began its seasonal “Holly” station (channel 23, xm subscribers) more than a week ago, I’ve been resisting the arrival of the Christmas Season. Not to go all Charlie Brown on you, but boy, the commercialism starts earlier and earlier and frankly, I’m just not ready.

But then on Thanksgiving morning I headed out to the gym (having spent a successful dawn rubbing down the bird with about 2 sticks of butter — you know, up over around down and through. That bird and I got intimate! — it made sense to preemptively strike at the incoming calories), there was a flat bed tractor-trailer delivering about 7,000 wrapped Christmas trees to the Christmas Tree lot that appears annually in the gym parking lot. It seemed to be clear that Christmas had Arrived.

At any rate, I’ve been bugging the children to get their letters out to you, and I’m pleased to say we can check that off the to-do list. My 11 year old decided to test the whole Santa thing this year by writing her letter in secret and mailing it without showing me. I don’t know if she spell- or grammar- checked it at all, but hopefully it’s written well enough for you to understand. If not, well, iTunes gift cards are always an option, right?

So now it’s my turn. And, like the children, I’ll ask for only three things. (Did you ever wonder why my kids only ask for three things? I’m proud of myself on this one. An older cousin told me years ago (BC: before children) about how, because Jesus only received three things upon the occasion of his birth, her children should only expect to get three things from Santa. I thought this was a great idea and adopted it. I know, I know, you can thank me some other time. It sure does make Christmas in this house easier for you, and for all of us.)

Okay, so here goes:

1) Peace and quiet. You know, I always thought this answer was so….lame…when we would ask my mother what she wanted for Christmas and she’d tell us some variation on the peace and quiet theme. But I totally get it now. I’d love some significant time without tattling, wrestling, whining, yelling, fighting….you get the idea. And I’m sure this isn’t the first request you’ve gotten for this either. I hope you’re not running out. That’d really stink.

2) One of those “Easy” buttons, but more customizable. It would say things like: “Whose socks are these?” “Please put your school bag away,” “I don’t have a lunchbox for you yet,” “When are you planning to practice?” and a few other choice phrases. And I’d like it to have James Earl Jones’s voice, if possible. I’m sick of the sound of my own, and certainly the children are as well.  Maybe Darth Vader would help them to be more compliant.

3) Guys. I have a feeling My Guys are getting ready to leave, and frankly, they’re useful. They’ve been so busy building stuff for this little project we’ve undertaken that I haven’t been able to utilize them to their full capabilities. I got stuff I need to get done: I need Guys. Just one or two. I’ll take an elf, if that’s all you’ve got, but I’d prefer full-size Guys.

That’s my three. I’m sure I’ll come up with other things, but I’ll abide by the Rule of 3. Frankly, one of those robot Mint floor cleaners would be cool, but I’ll put that on the Home List and see what comes of it.

Hope your season is Merry and Bright. If this area is any indication, you’ve been going full tilt on Christmas since Halloween. Hope you’re able to get some quality time off next spring.


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10 Responses to “Dear Santa,”

  1. Cecelia Winesap Says:

    I really like the three gift idea. I had never thought of it that way. This will be put into effect in our house immediately.
    Cecelia Winesap recently posted..Thanksgiving Morning

    Alyson says:

    I’m telling you, it’s a genius idea. You’ll be forever happy you did it that way!

  2. liz Says:

    I think you are going to be a tad lonely when your GUYS leave.

    I feel like there are times I could use an Easy button, and I have half the kids and dogs as you!
    liz recently posted..The Rudolph Duel

    Alyson says:

    The husband grows concerned about my devotion to Guys. Not because of my affections (they’re for him, of course), but because of his checkbook.

  3. Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points Says:

    I would totally take an elf.

    At this point in time, I’d make do with a gnome.

    I’m flexible.
    Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points recently posted..Points for Posts

    Alyson says:

    I find gnomes scary, no disrespect to the Travelocity gnome intended.
    Elf. Bring on the elf.

  4. Missy @ Wonder, Friend Says:

    A helper-being of any sort would be fine by me. Elf, Gnome, Troll… As long as it helps – quietly, with no back-talk – I will take it.

    We do the three gift thing, too. Well, it ends up being @ 6. Three from Santa and three from mom and dad. It makes things much simpler!
    Missy @ Wonder, Friend recently posted..Control Issues- Featured on KludgyMom Today

    Alyson says:

    Yes, the reality is that there will be more than 3 under the tree, but what I love about the idea is that it forces my monsters to really prioritize — and not start throwing things, willy-nilly onto the list.
    So far, no helpers have materialized. Stay tuned.

  5. Suniverse Says:

    Wow. Three gifts? Genius. We have the one girl, and the husband, who grew up Catholic, insisted she needed enough presents to fill underneath our [admittedly Charlie Brown] tree. Easy enough with Fisher Price’s giant boxes. Harder as she got older.

    My three things would be:

    * Naps.
    *Uninterrupted sleeping time.
    *Uninterrupted writing time.
    Suniverse recently posted..Wednesday in Pictures – Fall

    Alyson says:

    Just seeing the word “naps” makes me nostalgic for those days with one infant who napped too, or better yet–those college days when classes ended at noon and you had a break til 4….ah, it was so good and we didn’t even realize it.

    Does Santa turn back time?

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