Common Sense, Dancing

We had an interesting conversation at dinner tonight, my babies and I. It all began, as many things do around here,  with iPods: who’s currently in possession of theirs (iPods are a popular item for Mom to suspend usage of during periods of correctional activity), what music is on yours, what “apps” are on mine and not yours, what music your friend gave you and can I have it too, what new app my friend told me about and now I can’t live without it so please can I get it after dinner, when do I get mine back because I think it’s time to get it back, why you took mine away, etc. etc. etc.

iPods are valuable around here.

At one point Child #4 attempted, quite obviously, to throw #3 and #1 under the metaphorical Bus by revealing to me the kind of music that was recently added to #3’s iPod as a result of #1’s influence. Both numbers 1 and 3 put on their “who, me?” expressions and told #4 to be quiet because he didn’t know what he was talking about. #4 insisted that he *did* know what he was talking about — that #3’s iPod now had songs on it that were “explicit.” When I asked #4 what exactly “explicit” meant, he looked at me like I was incompetent and said (with “duh” implied), “Bad words, Mom.” (In my defense, it was a logical question. The kid’s eight, for crying out loud. I haven’t seen “explicit” on his spelling lists yet.)

But I surprised them — rather than getting all crazed about inappropriate lyrics in these songs, I instead said (coolly, I might add), “I’m aware of what’s on the iPods. It’s my iTunes account, remember? Do you people think I’m standing in the middle of the turnip field, having just fallen off the truck? ‘Where’s Mom?’ ‘I dunno,’ ‘Oh look, there she is, over there in that turnip field. She must have just fallen off the truck.’ ” “Guys,” I intoned,”I’m not that dumb, sorry to disappoint.”

[And let me just pause here to say that my turnip field/truck line was an inspired one, if I do say so myself. I cracked them up, and rightly so. {And as those who know me can attest, tooting my own horn is something that I do on occasion. My rationale: if you can’t toot your own horn, why would anyone else do it for you?} Now, back to the post.]

We then had a brief conversation about music and lyrics. I told them that I was more offended by the Rhianna/Eminem song “I love the way you lie” because it was about domestic violence — and I wasn’t even sure there were any bad words in it. I find the theme offensive…words are just words.

So that got me thinking (did you know Banned Book Week is just over?): I feel that music is like any other art — like writing or painting or sculpture: censoring the fine arts does no one any service. However, I do believe that I have the right, as a parent, to restrict what my children are exposed to, and to make a big deal over one “bad word” in the context of an otherwise innocuous song seems like shouting down the rain. Better that I spend my time monitoring the themes of the music they are exposed to and determine if they are understanding what they are hearing. Did my 10 year old even understand that Rhianna song was about being beaten, or did he just hear it as a “good song”? Do they listen to that garbage from Kanye West at the VMA’s a couple of weeks ago and get disgusted by the lack of creativity, or get titillated by the bad words?

I love music. I can’t imagine a world without it — I love all kinds, all genres, all decades. (My #1 believes that I intentionally put on the 60s or 70s channel on satellite radio to torment her specially. This is not true: no torment, just hope that we’ll hear something fantastic like, “Mrs. Brown You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter” or “Windy.”) I think I only do my children a favor to expose them to as much music as possible — bad words or no — provided that, like film or books, the themes are age-appropriate and enhance the values that I am trying to teach at the dinner table.

You know, the values that cover attempts to throw your sibs under the bus — or under the turnip truck that you think your mother has fallen off of.

~~While I was writing this, here’s what came up on my random playlist:

• Yellow, Coldplay
• I Think I Better Leave Right Now, Will Young
• Zephyr, Mary-Chapin Carpenter
• Lovers’ Cross, Jim Croce
• Famous, Vertical Horizon
• Knights in White Satin, Moody Blues
• Amazing Grace, Phil Vassar
• Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow, Dionne Warwick
• The Impression That I Get, Mighty Mighty Basstones
• The Water is Wide, Karla Bonoff (from the Thirtysomething soundtrack)
• Good Night New York, Christine Lavin & Julie Gold et al. (from the album Buy Me, Bring Me, Take Me: Don’t Mess My Hair)
• Where You Are, October Project
• Ashes to Ashes, Darden Smith