Posts Tagged ‘goldendoodles’

Vocabulary words.

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Thought I’d try a different spin on Wordless Wednesday. I’m calling it “Narrative-Free Wednesday.” It’s up to you to fill in the blanks.

Baby rabbit (n): in wildlife lingo, a kit. Alt: a small brown animal with smallish ears and no cottontail to speak of, that is infinitely interesting to dogs and causes mild hysteria in small children who confuse it with a mole, rat or other rodent. See also living dog toy that makes horribly sad squeaky nosies when surrounded by the mouth of a dopey Goldendoodle.

Pachysandra (n): a perennial evergreen plant used as a ground cover. Alt: a perfect place to build a rabbit nest — close to the house and nearby to friendly canine neighbors.

Golden Retriever (n): a breed of dog historically developed to retrieve shot waterfowl such as ducks during hunting and shooting parties. Alt: a great family dog that enjoys retrieving, but not necessarily returning what is retrieved when commanded to do so. Also: the maternal lineage of the Goldendoodles referenced below.

Poodle (n) : A breed of dogs originally developed in Europe as hunting dogs, and regarded as the second most intelligent breed of dog after the Border Collie (and before the German Shepherd). Alt: great family dog that enjoys looking at its family like they’ve lost their minds when they suggest dog related activities such as “fetch.” Also, the paternal lineage of the Goldendoodles referenced below.

Goldendoodles (n): mixed breed dogs, hybrid crosses between a Golden Retriever and a Poodle. Alt: any of a species of big friendly dogs who enjoy snuffling through pachysandra, with the personality of a party boy and the looks of a happy college coed, but with a confused hybrid of traits from their parents which contradict their supposed ability to retrieve and their so-called intellect. Also, see Dietarily Indiscriminate.

Children (n): sons or daughters of human parents. Alt: those that raise the alarm that “the Goldendoodles have caught a ‘rat’ and are playing with it outside,” with the accompanying distress noises and hand-wringing that are appropriate for such an occasion.

Mom (n): (a) a female parent (b) a woman in authority. Alt: She who is tasked with grabbing the Goldendoodle’s head and commanding “Drop It!” several times (to no avail) before prying his slobbery mouth apart and setting the living dog toy free. Also: She who is brave enough to relocate the object out of the invisible fence line where the frat boy goofballs will not encounter it again.

Instinct (n): a natural or inherent aptitude, impulse or capacity. From the Latin instinctus meaning impulse, from instinguere to incite. Alt: The behavior of the family dogs which was discussed at length at our breakfast table this morning.

‡ All definitions from either Merriam-Webster or Wikipedia. (Just realized how hilarious that is: from one reference-source-extreme to the other!)

The things I resort to…

Friday, May 28th, 2010

 

Dear Boys,

This 

 

is not The Enemy. There is no need to bark at it — uncontrollably and with great ferocity — each time you look out the home office window. For one, it scares the hell out of me while I am trying to read Important News (Prince of Persia  reviews, “Man Crosses English Channel with Helium Balloons”) and two, it’s been there all damn day. If it were going to eat us, it would have done so by now. 

No, our New Orange Friend has arrived in anticipation of getting started — one of these days, when the Powers That Be in the Township grant us permits — on our summer building project. For the next couple of weeks, it will be living here among us. 

In anticipation of that, please recall the lesson we just had, whereby I sat here 

  

and said stupid things like, “C’mere boys! Come see me! Come smell our new friend! It’s okay!” in a dopey, sing-song-y voice. We’re all friends here now. 

Unless it were to start up on its own and advance toward the house growling ominously, please reserve your Urgent Barking Activity to the wild turkeys, small squirrels, and oh yes, the FedEx/UPS/USPS trucks driving by. 

Thank you.

 

So brave. Look how close he's getting to the New Orange Friend.

P.S. Feel free to growl menacingly at any Township inspector-types you see. And by growling, I don’t mean rush them in an uncontrollable mash of licking, loving Doodle. Your cooperation is appreciated. 

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