Common Sense, Dancing

OMG. I can’t stand it. Sorry for the Valley Girl-esque opening (is it still Valley Girl? If you use the initials?) She’s done it again. That HotMess who made the NY Times a couple of weeks ago is back opening her pie hole and saying stupid stuff. Have you seen this? Go — read it and come back. Quick.        So. Are you as amazed at her stupidity as I am? And are you, as I am, so jaded as to be almost without capacity to be as fully snarky as necessary to even write about her? And are you, as I am, wondering why I’m even wasting key strokes writing about her?

“I’m too pretty to be in jail. I’m a good person. I’m not a criminal and I will never go back there,” the “Jersey Shore” star said.

And,

“I don’t know why people take it so seriously,” the 22-year-old said. “I had a couple cocktails, and they just put me in a drunk tank to sober me up,” because “I was on the beach,” Snooki explained. ” It happens to the best of us, you know?”

Hmmmm. I do, in fact, consider myself to be “the best of us” and I don’t recall seeing Snooki at the monthly meetings, and nor have I ever found myself in the “drunk tank” after spending the day at the Jersey Shore. I would remember both of those things, and quite clearly too. Call it one of my peculiar foibles, but I work hard to avoid public drunkenness, the drunk tank, and police involvement in my expression of good times and good livin’. I’m just odd like that. And seeing as I’ve just come home from a week at the beach (albeit NC, not NJ) without any sort of criminal record or public drunkenness (not undertaken, and therefore not caught), I must again refute the suggestion that the best of us will have such a problem. (Actually, I believe it’s in the Best of Us charter, that public drunkenness — and your subsequent arrest — get you thrown out and your dues are not refunded.)

As for the “too pretty” assertion….again I say, fish in a barrel. She sets herself up for this, for crying out loud. Did she not read the NYT description of herself? Honestly, someone get her a copy of the paper. Or a mirror. HotMess.

UPDATE! Another Einstein from the Jersey Shore cast was arrested yesterday, on a couple of outstanding warrants. (The saddest thing — for me — is that the warrants were “unspecified” but rumored to be about unpaid parking tickets and there was no stupid statement about the best of us, or whatever. Rats.)

We’re heading to the Jersey Shore tomorrow. Not unlike troop movements, such a journey requires massive planning. Forthwith, my “things to remember not to forget” list:

• the “dry goods” purchased here at home (so as to avoid the chaos of a Shore A&P on a holiday weekend). This includes, but is not limited to, a metric ton of Goldfish, juice boxes, hamburger rolls, a case of pasta, wet wipes and toilet paper, Coke Zero, paper plates, and coffee for the K-cup machine (notice that the Mom Food is high in caffeine);
• the refrigerated stuff that I’d be lost without (until late Sunday when I can brave the Shore A&P). Again this includes, but is not limited to, liquid egg whites (the babies love “egg pie” but not “omelettes”), fat free half and half, Taylor ham, hot dogs, and the open bottles of cocktail mixers;

(notice that there’s not a vegetable to been seen in the lists above. I will try to get them to eat one or two, but obviously I can’t give up critical car space to cucumbers or lettuce or broccoli — there’s 6 boxes of rigatoni to consider for crying out loud….)

• my Jimmy Buffet Frozen Happiness Machine;
• bath towels (ha — like anyone besides me will bathe this week);
• two laptop computers (one for me, one for them);
• the new portable phone system purchased at the “Landlord’s” (read: my mother’s) request (set up and programming by the “renter” {read: me} included);
• sunscreen (yes, let’s continue that “I don’t need it/I already did my own” fight in a new locale);
• clothes for 4 plus me. Everyone will insist on their own bag, thus guaranteeing that we’ll all overpack. And further guaranteeing miscellaneous socks, shoes, and other clothing will  strewn about the Shore house. (because really, let’s make ourselves at home.);
• pediatric Advil and Tylenol (because odds are pretty good that someone will run a fever within several hours of our arrival at the Shore);
• adult Advil (oh, the odds are pretty good that I will have a rip-roaring headache by bedtime tomorrow. It isn’t easy to relocate anywhere for a week).

Lavallette boardwalk image from www.lavallette-nj.org