Posts Tagged ‘kids’

Dear Mom

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Dear Mom,

It has come to our attention that as August slowly moves toward September you are becoming increasingly glassy-eyed and goofy-looking. What’s with that weird grin on your face when you turn your page-a-day calendar every morning?

But really, that’s not what we wanted to tell you. What we wanted to know is:

Why won’t you let us try to kill each other during our various daily rumble sessions? It’s a real buzz kill that you won’t allow #3 to sit on #4’s head and see how long he can go without breathing. It’s also a giant downer that you’re not allowing us to drop hard pointy things down from the second floor hallway to see if the rest of us can catch it with our heads. You never let us have any fun.

#4 also brought up the question of that large dent (although #2 calls it a wrinkle, the rest of us really think it’s much too large to fall into that category) between your eyes on your forehead. It’s really come out a lot in the past couple of weeks, and we were wondering if you were going to do anything about it? It makes you look kind of mean. (Not that you’re mean….no one is saying that….it’s just that crevice is getting really big.)

Finally, even though #1 has said that we shouldn’t mention this at all, the fact that you do a lot of mumbling and talking to yourself lately has us a bit freaked out. We noticed that both that huge wrinkle and the talking to yourself really increase later in the afternoon, so we were wondering if we could do something to help you get that under control. Maybe you want to join our marathon viewing sessions of Sonny with a Chance? Or jump in on our squabbles about whose turn it is to play with the PSP next? (We’ve found that a good ol’ fight really relieves some tension. You might want to try it.)

Feel free to wade into that mosh-pit-like thing we’ve created in the family room if you think it might help. We’re here for you.

Love,

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Mama's Losin' It


I (don’t) love a parade.

Monday, July 19th, 2010

As the weekend was winding to a close last night, we were sitting on the deck with some friends after dinner and the moms were making happy murmurings that it was “almost” bedtime.

I looked at my watch, looked at my daughter inside the kitchen doing some kind of crazy dance for our benefit, and said, “Wow. She’s in a great mood now, but she’s going to crash in a very. big. way. soon and it’s going to be ugly. She’ll come crying to our room, saying she “can’t” sleep, and she’ll work herself up into quite  a state.” And we sort of chuckled, and shook our heads….she’s 11, after all. And our friend, the pediatrician jokingly said, “Lithium,” at the same time that I said, “Just need a little something to even things out,” and we laughed.

Then I said to Husband, “Well, the weeping’s going to happen, but it’ll probably come as part of the Parade of Maladies,” to which our friends said, “What?” I explained that after the kids are “tucked in” and we’ve done the whole good night routine, approximately 75% of them will return, one by one, to our bedroom to present — for our remedy — some kind of complaint (usually physical). They generally do not come together (unless one hurt another), and therefore they can string out the visits for long spans of time — sometimes over the course of an hour or more. Thus, The Parade of Maladies.

Univ of Nebraska

A sampling of recent entrants in the parade, and our generally not-so-empathetic response:

“My big toe hurts,” —- “That’s okay, you should be lying down now anyway.” —-  “But it really hurt when I walked down the hall to see you,”  —– “You can probably guess what I’m going to say, right?” —-  “G’night.”

“Can I have a bandaid? My finger is bleeding. I hurt it today in the pool,” —- “I’m not sure that you need a bandaid to handle that; you haven’t been in the pool for hours,”  — “But it really hurts and I need a bandaid…”

“When the dog jumped on me this morning he scratched me, and now it hurts really badly when I move my arm,” — “I’m not sure why you are moving your arm, it’s now bedtime.” —- “I don’t know either, but it just hurts.”

There are more along the same vein….but here are two from just last night and these are my new favorites:

“Mom, my right nostril is clogged and it’s really bugging me. See?” (loud snotty sniff) — “I’m sure it’s from swimming so much today. You’ll be fine. Just lie down.” “That’s why you have two nostrils, anyway,” (husband added that one) —- “Ok….”   {15 minutes later:} “Now the other one is clogged and the right one is okay,” — “I don’t know what to say. Just go lie down.”

The all time winner: {15 minutes after the nostril issues… same child}

“Mom, remember when Dr. A was talking about heart attacks and he said that you could have pain in your fingers? Well, these fingers hurt and I’m worried I’m having a heart attack.” —- “You’re not having a heart attack,” —- “But these fingers really hurt and he said that’s a symptom!” — “Daughter, I know you are not having a heart attack because you are an 11 year old girl, and generally they do not have heart attacks. You did a lot of exercise this weekend in the pool and your body is very very tired. Please go to sleep,” — “But I can’t sleep,” — and the weeping begins.

Cue the garbage trucks to start cleanup. This parade’s over until next bedtime.

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