After 14 years, do you get a company tchotchke*?

*tchotchke: –noun (slang). An inexpensive souvenir, trinket, or ornament.

This job’s got a lot of perks. Oh sure, the obvious ones like the love and devotion of a delightful family; the satisfaction of knowing, when you put your head down at night, that they’ve all survived yet another day of being {14} or {11} or {10} or {8} or {41} or { }…; or even that you’ve got pretty good job security, which is lucky these days for sure.

But specifically? This SAHM gig’s got a lot of aspects to it that are appealing no matter where you work:

10.) Flexibility: Should I grocery shop today or tomorrow? Do we have enough milk to get us through the next breakfast without resorting to apple juice on Cheerios? What about toilet paper? (Certainly the boys think this is optional, but the rest of us might be in need. Quick! A Roll Census.) I get to decide.

9.) Creative expression: What should I make for school lunches — PB&J again? Or get crazy with tuna salad? What about a little wrap dealio, with some sliced leftover chicken? (Do the kids cry over my meals at school too?) And then there’s dinner. Ah, dinner.

8.) Dress code: clothing optional at the bus stop (and by this I mean, PJ’s are fine {keep your pants on, literally}). Even better when combined with a hoodie and some Uggs, provided your pajama bottoms are shorts, and not full-out long flannel pants (then you look like maybe you’re going to the farm stand and not the bus stop). As for the rest of the day….vary your outfit whenever possible. The folks at Shop-Rite are beginning to wonder.

7.) Break times: you can/must take them liberally. Make sure to catch what Rachel Ray’s cooking up (might get some of the gang sobbing later one), see what Hoda and Kathie Lee are drinking this morning (literally, it would seem), what the women on The View are arguing about, what Victor’s up to on Y&R, if Sonny and Brenda have gotten their collective act together (but ooooh, love me some Jason), and who’s on with Oprah.

6) See the world: or at least the delightful 6 mile radius around your home. To the store! Home again! To school! Home again! To school! Home again! To the store (turns out the toilet paper didn’t last)! Home again! To school! (Depending on the day, do this trip approximately 6 times.)

5) Meet new people! Probably at the bus stop while in your shorts and Uggs. Or better yet, at school, when your teacher introduces herself to you and makes small talk about what an interesting vocabulary your youngest has. Did she mean that in a good way?

4) Supervise others: Beg the construction guys to help you figure out why no stone match can be found for exterior of your house. (Never mind that it wasn’t covered in moon rocks or plutonium, but regular old everyday rock.) Confirm again that no one will accidentally unplug the sump pump, leading to alarming beeps overnight that wake the house and set the kids on edge.

3) Finance: Stretch your cash as far as it will go. Discover you  have exactly $2 in your wallet when called upon to pay for another piano book for your child’s lesson. And no checkbook. Debate about returning to the car to scrounge for quarters.

2) Foreign languages: Enjoy learning new languages along with your children as you drill on Spanish vocabulary cards. Follow along in some unnamed language as you wait for the gas station attendant to finish his call before pumping your gas (it’s NJ people — I don’t/can’t pump my own).

1) Sociology/psychology/counseling: Become a human snuggie or punching bag, depending on who gets off the bus and in what mood (also dependent, for some of us, on the performance of the 401k or the stock market in general). Be prepared to welcome them with open arms and a big smile or, conversely, arms crossed and a matching scowl. Tickling is sometimes a welcomed activity, but so too is the old “leave me alone,” technique.

This was prompted by Mama Kat over at Mama’s Losin’ It. Need Inspiration? Check her out!
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7 Responses to “After 14 years, do you get a company tchotchke*?”

  1. Cecelia Winesap Says:

    What a great post! I’m getting so jealous of all the SAHM’s this morning! :)
    Cecelia Winesap recently posted..Damn Cat

  2. liz Says:

    You make it sound all butterflies and rainbows!! Now write another post about the not-so-purty parts. :)

    I’m FINALLY grabbing your button for my blog.

  3. Carrie Says:

    I, too, am jealous of the sahm/wahm life. But, I will get there! Thanks for the inspiration and the re-confirmation of my ‘Why’ !
    Carrie recently posted..My Achy Breaky Heart

  4. Missy @ Wonder, Friend Says:

    Love it. I can’t pick a favorite.

    I have definitely played grocery roulette, trying to stretch that gallon as far as possible. And it never fails that I run into someone, or meet the new neighbor, or have to talk to the teacher on the day I go clothing optional -wearing yesterday’s workout pants and sporting dirty hair.
    Missy @ Wonder, Friend recently posted..It’s Only a Flesh Wound

  5. Booyah's Momma Says:

    1. I really think tchotchke should be a WoW sometime. It may be one of the coolest words ever.
    2. Shorts and Uggs? I’m liking your style.
    Booyah’s Momma recently posted..Of Mice and Men

  6. The Flying Chalupa Says:

    Oh, love love love #6. So glad someone else is seeing as much of the world as I am. Honestly, when this guy was talking about taking his family to Fiji the other day, I wanted to slug him. Yes, we deserve tchotchkes. I love saying that word.

  7. Yuliya Says:

    Breaks? You get breaks? Who in Human Resources do I talk to about those?
    I’m at that stage where I can’t even go to the bathroom alone…glad to see there IS a light at the end of the tunnel…too bad by the time I get there Oprah will be off the air!
    Yuliya recently posted..Double Dipping and it feels so good

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